How to Have a Healthy Relationship

Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work until you sit back and realize just how much you've been given. A thriving, healthy relationship requires some give and take, and is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. If you and your partner are right for each other, all the work will definitely be worth it in the long run. 1)Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. In a relationship your partner will try to please you and make you happy but in the end you are responsible for your happiness. 2)Make good on your words. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive. 3)Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry." Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognize this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again. 4)Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester. Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure. Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time. Always ask yourself whether you're better off in the relationship than out of it. If you don't think you're better off in the relationship, then you probably should have a serious discussion with your partner. In a loving relationship, this question almost always gets a simple "Yes." 5)Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off. Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more deeply; and even help you pick out an awesome Christmas present. There are no downsides to listening. 6)Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that you're loved and feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The best relationships use affection to show love. Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most. Don't be afraid to show physical affection every once in a while. Loving relationships feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-rubs that are mainstays of affection. Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss your partner after you come home from work; it's another thing to kiss your wife while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet (3,048.0 m) from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so put a little effort into it for huge returns. 7)Be loyal. Make sure he/she knows that you will always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in your life as much as you possibly can. Not that you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk to anyone else, but he/she should know that he/she can always count on you if he/she needs something. Also, expect the same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the relationship just as much as him/her. 8)Do not ever hide anything from him/her. Especially your feelings about him/her and your relationship - whether good or bad! This way you will be able to overcome all the difficulties and challenges together. If something bad happened in your past that still affects you in the present, he/she needs to know about it. Note: you should be able to discuss your sexual history. It is an obligation before you decide to be sexually involved with your partner. But you should make them feel safe and not judgmental and you should expect the same from your partner. 9)Give him/her some space. Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't constantly watch everything he/she does. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and controlled. Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her phone, stalking him/her on social networks, following him/her around). If he/she is cheating on you, you will find out. These things cannot be kept secret for very long. But if you spy on him/her and he/she is innocent, you will lose his trust and respect forever. 10)Express your feelings towards him/her. Always remind him/her of how much they mean to you, and what they represent to you. Women are not the only ones who need expressions of love and care, men need that too. If you have a problem, you need to let him/her know - preferably in a clear and calm manner without any yelling. If he says `Are you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect him to understand that you really meant no. Be honest and open. Let him/her know it is safe to open up to you about what he is feeling. Reward his/her trust in you by sympathizing with him/her and, but you don`t need to say much, just listen. Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend every minute fearing the huge pain that that might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful moment as it happens, and realize that there will never be another one just like it. Never be pathetic and needy just to make him/her pay attention to you and give you sympathy. A solid relationship should be based on mutual respect; if you are constantly trying to pull him/her down with you, this means you don`t respect him /her enough to want him/her to be happy. If you are depressed, see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into your problems. 11)Encourage him/her. So that he/she can be more successful at work or study. That will make him/her realise how much you care about his/her future and wish that he/she'd become one of the best. It will also make his/her feeling towards you grow even stronger, and he/she will believe that you're ready to support him/her on anything he/she does. 12)Always make sure to notice your partner and compliment them. It will make them feel appreciated.Has your partner got a new dress or has changed their hairstyle? Tell them your suggestions about it. It will make their day. 13)Sweet talking. A simple 'Good morning Beautiful/Handsome' would be an amazing start to your partner's day. Send texts like "I miss you babe" when you miss them. They would definitely feel more loved.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND / WIFE DISRESPECTS YOU

When your girlfriend disrespects you, you have to show her that you won’t put up with her bullshit while also showing her that it does NOT phase you. Doing these two things SIMULTANEOUSLY is KEY. 90% of the time your girlfriend is doing this to test you. She’s not consciously thinking, “I need to test my boyfriend,” it’s a subconscious response. She’s doing it to see if you’re a worthy mate. ALL girls test their boyfriends, it would be futile for you to attempt to find a girlfriend who doesn’t “play games” or put you through “shit tests”. All women are programmed to put their boyfriends / husbands through shit tests to see how well they handle it, test their masculinity, etc. And even if she’s not testing you, when she disrespects you by canceling a date or insulting you, you have to follow protocol. Let’s get the second part down first. DO NOT lose your composure. In fact, it’s a pretty good idea to NEVER lose your composure. DON’T whine. This means NOT sending her a 15 page text message about how upset or mad you are. Easy way to lose attraction with her and make yourself look pathetic. Don’t call her 10 times to cry about something or yell at her. Remember this as a general rule: Always use the LEAST number of words and actions to get this message out: “I’m not gonna put up with your bullshit, and this doesn’t phase me,” Sometimes when she says something that really pisses you off, you’ll want to insult her back or say something to get even. It’s a man trap, don’t fall prey to your emotions. If she says something that crosses the line, then dump her. Walk and don’t call her for 3 weeks. Show her that you have better things to do than waste your time with a disrespectful girlfriend. If you lose control of yourself and start screaming at her the same way she does to you, then you’ve proven to her that your just as out of control as she is. This is what she WANTS you to do. She WANTS you to lose your mind and start ripping off your nuts. That’s why she keeps egging you on. Keep your composure, speak in a calm resonating voice. Don’t throw things or ever resort to any type of violence (banging things, throwing things, threatening, etc) So what you CAN do to handle the situation is to withdraw attention whenever she shows behavior that you disapprove of. You can even talk to other girls to remind her that she’s in a competitive environment. If you want your girlfriend to stop disrespecting you, it is absolutely critical that she realizes that you are a WANTED man, and that if you get tired of her bullshyt, you’ll go and date someone else. The following is a good example of EXACTLY what your response should be like: Making wife jealous. In more extreme cases, you can confront your girlfriend about it. If you’re in front of your friends and your girlfriend insults you, take her aside and ask her “what are you doing?” and make her feel dumb trying to answer the question. Don’t sound like a corn ball and say “I will not put up with this,” you’re not her 2nd grade teacher. But you can say “What are you doing?” in a SLIGHTLY hostile tone, or tell her straight up that you guys are over if she does it again. If she keeps doing it, you can show her the door. There’s a very important mental note you’ll always want to keep: There are thousands of girls out there MUCH better than the girl you have. You DON’T need her. SHE needs you. Her life is boring without you. So DON’T be afraid to shut her out if you feel that she has crossed the line. By simply shutting her out and telling her it’s over until she changes her behavior, you’ve showed her that you won’t put up with how she acts, AND you haven’t lost your composure. Be watchful of a few things. First, you don’t want to ignore / confront her too often because then you’ll have TOO much power. A relationship is still a two-way thing, you don’t wanna completely dominate her. Doing so might make her insecure or unstable. Secondly, make sure you DON’T call her or try and talk to her first after you’ve shut her out. If she doesn’t try and reconcile with you after you’ve given her an ultimatum, then it’s over. It’s her loss. But if you try and talk to her or apologize, your walking into a death trap. You might as well ask her for permission the next time you wanna voice your opinion or use the bathroom. Third, if your married, this is probably not the best idea. You don’t want to go through a divorce because your wife canceled a date on you. You probably shouldn’t have gotten married to a girl that constantly disrespects you. But if you did, there’s still hope. If it’s your wife, you should directly confront her about it. Act swiftly and the next time she does something, talk to her about it immediately. Ignore her or give her less attention when she shows this kind of behavior. Then, reward her with more attention or flowers when she acts in a more reasonable way. You’ll notice that a lot of times, RIGHT AFTER you confront your wife about something, she’ll fix it, and then eventually she regresses back into bad behavior. What you need to do is reward her accordingly when she shows good behavior so that she WANTS to consistently keep it up. The reward/punishment technique I mentioned right above can be really helpful in situations like these. If you don’t like the way she’s acting, then give her less attention. If she does something you really like, show your appreciation with affection and attention. But don’t just turn the entire relationship into a system of rewards and punishment. Withdraw your attention when she really disrespects you, not when she’s 5 minutes late to dinner or something. And give her extra attention when she does something that deserves it. This kind of system works wonders and for every guy out there who might feel guilty about “training” their girlfriends, just remember that EVERY SINGLE FEMALE BEING out there does this with sex.

7 Things A Man Only Does If He’s Serious About You

1)Ask about “that thing” If you had a job interview you were nervous about, or a doctor’s appointment, a meeting about a possible promotion, or just something you had once mentioned was coming up and he makes a point of calling you up after to ask how it went, he is serious about you. Men who aren’t serious about a woman make a point of not asking for too many details about her life. 2)Clarify missed calls Did he take hours to call back? Did he completely forget to text back? If you’re just someone he is having temporary fun with, he isn’t concerned about you getting pissed about those things. But if he makes a point of saying, “Hey, sorry for taking so long, I was hung up in etc, etc” or “Oh my god I just realized you sent me a text when I was at work and I completely forgot to answer! I’m so sorry!” then you’re not someone he is willing to let go of easily. (Men know how much delayed call or text-backs upset us). 3)Offer to help When you mention that you’re moving, or putting together some furniture, or looking for a new car, does he jump at the chance to help? Does he often look for ways he can be of service to you? Men don’t do that just for a woman they are trying to sleep with or casually date for a short period of time. They save that type of effort for ones they are serious about. 4)Plan ahead If you’re just a fling to him, you are (unfortunately) kind of replaceable. But, if he is serious about you, no one else’s presence will do. You’ll know that is the case if he asks you a significant amount of time ahead of time to reserve a day so that you can be his date to something. That means he wants to guarantee he gets your time. 5)Care about your career If he really cares about you, he wants all the other things in your life that make you happy to go as well as possible! If a man has clearly put time into thinking about your career, and coming up with suggestions for how you could advance it or be happier in it, he plans on being around for a while. He is making sure things in your future will be good. Because he plans on being with you then and he wants to be with a woman who is happy. 6)Brags about you If he isn’t serious about you, he may bring you to a party or a friend’s get together, but he’ll most likely leave you to fend for yourself. If he is serious about you, he is proud of you, and he will make a point of being near you to introduce you to people and tell them all about you and your accomplishments. 7)Just wants to cuddle No man who is trying to keep things casual is going to make the terrible mistake of sending a, “Can’t you just be next to me so we can cuddle?” text. They know that sends a serious signal. If a guy sends this type of text, he likes you To be honest i'm still off point number 5 but other than tha im perfect on all counts :D, hope this information is usefull for you :D.

Husbands Who Extinguish Their Wives' Libidos

Modern wives often lose the sensuality of womanhood. They are feminine when they marry but are quickly relegated to the roles of caretaker, wage-earner, housekeeper, and waitress. Burdened with responsibility, fatigue, and what can feel like a monotonous, uneventful grind, many experience a loss of libido and the gradual diminishment of the deep yearning of youth. They exist but are not fully alive. They live up to their responsibilities but fear that every day will present the same, uneventful grind. After a while they are no longer women but wives, no longer females but mothers. Paradoxically, the grand extinguisher, often, is the wife's own husband. Financial instability, moral uncertainty, consumerism, and shifts in the essence of masculinity have led husbands to exchange the untamed sensuality of a woman for the predictable safety of a functional wife. In an attempt to maintain control over an uncontrollable world, the husband's need for order, routine and a sense of competence has been displaced onto his wife and he has reduced and contained her in an attempt to forestall his fear of confusion and inferiority. The result is a wife who meets his basic functional needs, but whom he may find uninteresting. The wife is trapped in a double bind. If she acquiesces to what her husband wants of her, she becomes boring to him and a shell of her true self. There is little room for her to express her authentic sensuality or self-actualize. Why pursue beauty? Why pursue wit, insight, creativity, personal sensuality? Is she forced to choose between marriage and selfhood? The individual psyche of the woman is particularly important to her expression of sensuality. To be desirable, she must be separate from her husband. She must have a sense of herself. She must know, at a visceral level, the presence and power of her beauty. Too much familiarity and functionality, undermines her sensual nature. A woman wants to be wanted, longed for, and lusted after. In my counseling of married couples, I have seen this phenomenon at work. What often robs a marriage of erotic longing is a husband's subconscious desire to transform his wife from a woman into a homemaker and from a seductress into a nanny (without the sexy nanny outfit). I say subconscious because most husbands would vehemently protest that, to the contrary, they want their wives to be sultry and sexy. But irrespective of what they say, they end up turning turn their wives into housekeepers. Why would any sane man sexually extinguish his wife? Because buried deep within the male psyche is the fear of not being able to fully possess his wife, not being able to control her natural attraction to other men, and not being able to snuff out a woman's sexual insatiability. A husband's greatest fear is that as a man he will not be able to measure up, sometimes quite literally. This is especially true once men confront the sheer erotic power and multi-climactic nature of the female libido which is so much more potent than a man's. By domesticating her, he robs her of her passion. He may now possess her without much effort because she is diminished. By slowly extinguishing his wife's libido and making sex into a once-a-week encounter lasting seven minutes at a time (the American national average) he gains proprietary rights to her body even as he guarantees that she will never excite him as much as an illicit love. How tragic that the modern American male has little clue as to the consequences of his actions. Does he realize that by failing to compliment his wife he teaches her to think she is not special? Is he aware of the fact that by failing to go shopping with her for beautiful clothing he makes her feel she is not worth the effort? And is there no friend who can tell him that sex without foreplay ensures that her body will go through the motions but will never come alive with real sexual lust? And why doesn't he see all these things himself? Because he cannot look past his own insecurity. He does not realize that he is uncomfortable being in a relationship that will really challenge his masculinity. He looks for challenges at work on and the sports field. But at home he looks for nirvana and bliss. A compliant wife will provide it. A seductress will not. The sexually insatiable woman generates excitement for her husband, but excitement that is always accompanied by the pain and panic of incurable tension. His comfort zone is gone. He must now permanently pursue her, woo her, and compete against paramours even after he is married. Sexual tension may get a husband's engines revving, but it can also make him feel as though the floor is collapsing beneath him. He spends his days trying to impress his boss, does he have to spend the night impressing his wife as well? Give the man some peace! Did he not get married so he could enjoy a tranquil domestic existence? Why should he have to put on a show at home, too? If he sees his wife as a woman who could get another man in a heartbeat, not only does he have to worry about keeping her as his woman, but also that there's a possibility that he is not up to the job. And this he fears more than walking a tight rope over the Grand Canyon. To get out of feeling inept and inadequate, and more importantly, to stay in control, he subconsciously and systematically douses the embers of her sexuality. Being married to a seductress means that he will forever be at war to retain her fidelity. As a man begins to recognize how his wife, like all women, is desirable to, and desirous of, other men, and that attraction increases commensurately with the degree to which she feels unappreciated or ignored, he will be shaken with feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Men are naturally competitive. They don't want to have to compete for a woman they've already won. Sure, they want the erotic thrills that come from seduction and pursuit. But they also want to know, now that they're married, that they have a comfortable, safe haven to come back to. So they want to know that their wives are not attracted to strangers or attractive to strangers, at least not in a way that's in any way unsettling. Also, if they want to pursue their own erotic thrills by finding women outside of the marriage, they don't want to feel that their neglect of their wives will lead their wives to pursue other men in order to satisfy their own erotic needs. Much better, therefore, to subtly and even subconsciously extinguish her sexuality. What ensues is the boring domestication that most married couples suffer. Two people who live in the same house, share a life, share kids, have perfunctory sex, but never make love. Two people who are married but never generate true erotic friction.

The Hidden Issue That Could Affect Your Relationship

Did you previously have a strong relationship, and now feel disconnected from your partner? Research shows a link between depression and being unhappy with your relationship. Depression can take a happy, healthy relationship and create a cloud around your ability to enjoy the person you love. With depression, you may become critical of your partner, or doubt your relationship altogether. You may lose interest in intimacy, feel empty, and feel hopeless about the future. Irritability and restlessness can distort your judgment and drive a wedge between you and your partner. You may notice changes in eating more or less, or trouble sleeping. While dealing with your own sadness, your connection with your partner is neglected. It's a vicious cycle, where all of this causes fighting and builds resentment between the two of you. Often, one or both of you withdraws or shuts down, which ends up making your depression worse. But you can stop this cycle before it damages your relationship. Here are simple, manageable tips to help. 1. Don't Beat Yourself Up You might feel self-critical, guilty, or feel unworthy of your partner. Instead of beating yourself up, remember that even though your feeling depressed, you still have all of those great qualities that your partner loves. Embrace the fact that you are always worthy and deserving love. 2. Don't Stay Stuck in the Past If you have had a bad relationship in the past, don't take it out on your current partner. Bad relationships are how we learn from mistakes. But you may become overly protective or create problems in your current relationship that don't exist. It's essential to learn to separate old wounds from your current relationship. Focus on the here and now, and the relationship between the two of you. 3. It's Not Just Your Partner's Job to Make You Happy, It's Yours! It is great to get love and comfort from your partner when you're feeling low. But it's not doing you any favors to depend solely on them, all the time. The truth is, you have to also think about how you're contributing to your own happiness. Are you taking care of yourself? Working too much? Are you eating well, getting enough sleep, and making time for friends? Taking ownership of your own emotional wellness will build your confidence and will actually help you to enjoy your partner more. 4. Show Your Partner You Care Depression makes you focus more on the negative aspects of your partner. Make sure when he or she comes in the door in the evening, don't launch into everything that went wrong that day. Instead, show them you're happy to see them. Give them a hug and kiss. Ask about their day. Thank them for playing with the kids or for making you laugh. Your partner will appreciate hearing the good things. And as an added bonus, it will make you feel better, too. Practicing gratitude daily on a daily basis may help ease the symptoms of depression. 5. Therapy Helps Either go by yourself, or go as a couple. Remember that it's hard for your partner to know how you feel, especially if they have not experienced depression. A therapist can help you figure out a plan together so that you're working as a team to stop the depression from harming your relationship. And talk to your doctor about medication, as it is very beneficial for many people. Whatever changes you decide to make, make them now! The sooner you can turn things around, the better you both are going to feel -- and the better chance you have of getting through the depression with a healthy, happy relationship intact. For more information on depression and relationships, visit Dr. Kolakowski's website or join her on Facebook. For more by Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, click here. Thank you Doctor Kolakowski, I love your writing and this has been on point.

7 Ways to Keep Work Stress Out of Your Relationship

Now more than ever, it is important that we strive to gain and maintain work-life balance. According to one study, 52 percent of employees say that job demands interfere with family or home responsibilities, while 43 percent say that home and family responsibilities interfere with job performance. These statistics show just how overworked people are, especially when they feel as if their home life is interfering with their work.

As a psychologist, I see it as a stress cycle. The stress at work causes stress at home, and then the stress of neglecting home affects the person's work performance and further increases their stress at work. In this economy, people are working around the clock so it appears that personal things (that they should be able to do) seem to interfere with their job performance.

Right now some people have the responsibilities of 2-3 different roles. Their job day starts earlier and ends later, and everyone has one, if not two cell phones. People are working so much that they don't have the time and energy to maintain work-life balance and healthy relationships.

When things get out of balance and their personal relationship becomes stressed, that stress will seep into their work life. It seems that personal responsibilities are impinging upon work because work has become so demanding that it prevents people from getting home early to spend time with family or from having time during the day to call their significant other.

It is really important to maintain work-life balance, and to make sure that you don't bring the stress of work home and allow it to sabotage the potentially positive time you should be spending at home with your family. You may feel like coming home and venting for hours, but that will probably just make things worse

1)Leave Some Stressful Issues At Work

You can't rehash every annoyance or major problem with your partner every day or all you will do is sound like you're constantly complaining. 

Be selective about which story you want to share and which experiences you will keep to yourself.

2)Start The Evening With Quiet Time

Everyone should have a chance to get in the door and unwind from their own stress at work before being hit with a laundry list of their partner's issues. So don't walk in the door complaining. 

Come in, change clothes, decompress and use that time to calm down and consider what things should be shared and which ones should not.

3)Limit Stress Talk

Limit the amount of time you discuss what's stressing you. You have so little time to spend with your partner after work so don't spend it all complaining about problems. Sometimes we have rolling conversations about stressful things throughout the night. 

You bring it up as soon as you get home, then again during dinner, then after dinner, and then again in bed. Have the conversation once and avoid revisiting it unless absolutely necessary.

4)Balance The Negative With Positive

Spend as much time talking about non-stressful things or being affectionate as you spend stressing out. 

You want to leave your partner with a positive feeling about you, instead of with a knot in their stomach.

5)Listen As Much As You Talk

If you want your partner to listen to you when you're sharing your concerns, then be sure to listen to your partner when they're sharing theirs. 

Things will go better if you make eye contact and nod or comment to show agreement or react to what they're sharing. Listening while staring at the TV or reading your mobile device will make your partner feel ignored.

6)Share With A Friend

Our significant others tend to be our best friends, and so we want to tell them everything that we go through both personally and professionally. 

Sometimes we don't realize when that is becoming overwhelming or just too much info in too little time. 

If you have a good friend, sometimes you can decide to share with that person and not bring your every concern home to your partner.

7)Disconnect Electronically

So many of us are glued to our phones and computers but at some point we need to disconnect for the night and relax, especially when you need time for yourself and to spend time with your spouse and kids. 

You can't keep taking calls and reading emails through dinner, in the bathroom, in the bed and in the middle of a bedtime story. Choose a cutoff time to put your phone to bed and/or limit the amount of time you spend on the phone/computer so that you have time to take care of home. 

I know everyone needs to do what it takes to keep their jobs, but at the same time you won't be successful at work if you're falling apart from stress and your home life is crumbling around you. 

When you get home from work, try to manage your time and communications about work in a balanced way so that you can use your time at home to relax and recharge, not just rehash the day and keep the stress going.

The Basics of Relationship Management

I have read an article by Nick Savoy and to be honest i found this as very accurate so I decided to post this here. hope he does not mind.

The Basics of Relationship Management

By Nick Savoy

Relationship management encompasses everything you do after you sleep with someone, but, like many phases earlier in the model, your success is dependent on the groundwork you'd laid earlier. Just as what you did in comfort influences your chances in seduction, what you did in qualification, comfort, and seduction influence what will be possible in relationship management.

And a lot is possible. Anything from a long-term committed relationship to dating multiple women to friends with benefits; it's all possible if you have the skills and know what to do.

Much of what is regarded today as obvious was once highly controversial before I came along. For example:

• You literally never have to lie to get what you want, even if you want to date more than one woman at a time.
• 99% of all relationships fall into six major categories. Which pattern your relationship falls into determines where you can go with it.
• Relationship management begins before you even sleep with her the first time.

Here's a section from Relationship Management in Magic Bullets to get you up to speed:

You have many relationships in your life. You have a professional relationship with your boss, you have a fraternal relationship with your brother, and you probably have a dating or a "friends with benefits" relationship with at least one woman in your life.

So, when we talk about relationships and relationship management, we are assuming that you and a woman are boyfriend-girlfriend. Relationship management refers to the frame in which you and a woman are interacting.

Relationship management begins well before you sleep with her, but most of the important work comes after. Commonly, men only start thinking about relationship management after sex is over: "I slept with her; what do I do now?" It's a rookie mistake to leave it so long, because a little bit of work to set the frame during comfort goes a long way afterward. But we'll cover this later.

For now, let's start by looking at some of the basic relationship types:

• Traditional: One boy, one girl, no one dates anyone else.

• Traditional Plus: Like traditional, but sometimes you involve other people in your sex life (not your emotional life). Usually this is when both you and her enjoy threesomes with other women.

• Open: Your primary emotional commitment is to each other, but you are both free to date other people. Open relationships vary in intensity: some are much like Traditional Plus relationships while others are far more casual.

• Multiple: You have a strong commitment to each other, but nothing theoretically limits what you can do with others.

• Dating / Undefined: The rules of what you're doing and where you're going are unclear, but there is no explicit commitment. Often early in your relationship and usually the case before you sleep together.

• Friends with Benefits: No significant emotional commitment. Relationship is primarily sexual.

As you can probably see, these relationship types are ranked in decreasing order of commitment. Drilling down, we see that there are pretty clear distinctions between the types, in which you are #1 to each other, the middle two, in which this may be more ambiguous, and the lower two, in which there should be no expectations at all. For simplicity's sake, we will call these three groups High Commitment, Medium Commitment, and Low Commitment.

What you seek is a matter of preference. There is nothing inherently superior about one relationship goal over another. It depends on your desires, her desires, where you are in your life, and all kinds of other factors.

That being said, I'm fully aware when writing this that many of you are going to skip straight to the Multiple Relationships section. That's fine if that's what you truly want. But pause for a second and truly consider things. Don't just want something because it feels socially impressive or some of the top Pickup Artists in the world want it. It's a lot more work than it seems. Many of the top names in the "Seduction Community" have never pulled this off successfully, despite their marketing propaganda.

Whatever your relationship goals, there are some key points to keep in mind:

• The type of relationship you have with a woman can and usually will change over time. In general, it's easiest to move within a given Commitment level (from "Multiple" to "Open" Relationship or from "Dating/Undefined" to "Friends with Benefits" for example). Moving between Commitment levels is much harder. You can sometimes move up, but rarely down. Moving down usually requires a breakup first, and a period of no relationship. After that, you can try to re-establish a relationship, but often all you will be able to get is Friends with Benefits. This happens between ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends more than many people think.

• While you can get away with trying to move to your desired relationship type after you've already had sex with her, this compromises your effectiveness in a couple of ways. For one thing, if she gets the sense that you don't have much of an idea about what it is that you want, this could turn her off and you'll never get to sex in the first place. In addition, you will be far more effective at bringing her to your desired relationship type if you are able to implicitly set the right expectations in advance. It's not like she won't think about it just because you're not giving her anything to go on. She'll think about it anyway, and she'll let her conclusions be driven by her own assumptions and preferences. These will be a lot harder to change later.

• It's a cliche, but communication is key to a relationship. It's not enough to act like you're in a specific kind of relationship with someone; it must be communicated and agreed on by both of you, whether explicitly or implicitly. Again, playing the "ambiguity game" won't help you much. Women want to know what's going on. If you don't make an effort to communicate this somehow, even indirectly, she'll try to interpret (or end up misinterpreting) what you do communicate and you may well end up with differing ideas about where your relationship is going. Do I need to tell you that this is a bad idea?

Armed with these general rules, let's talk about each of the six major relationship types...

Introduction

Good Morning ,

To make a short overview any and all information written by me is my personal opinion , or the options of other people, please read twice before thinking of this may apply to you or not :D.