Husbands Who Extinguish Their Wives' Libidos

Modern wives often lose the sensuality of womanhood. They are feminine when they marry but are quickly relegated to the roles of caretaker, wage-earner, housekeeper, and waitress. Burdened with responsibility, fatigue, and what can feel like a monotonous, uneventful grind, many experience a loss of libido and the gradual diminishment of the deep yearning of youth. They exist but are not fully alive. They live up to their responsibilities but fear that every day will present the same, uneventful grind. After a while they are no longer women but wives, no longer females but mothers. Paradoxically, the grand extinguisher, often, is the wife's own husband. Financial instability, moral uncertainty, consumerism, and shifts in the essence of masculinity have led husbands to exchange the untamed sensuality of a woman for the predictable safety of a functional wife. In an attempt to maintain control over an uncontrollable world, the husband's need for order, routine and a sense of competence has been displaced onto his wife and he has reduced and contained her in an attempt to forestall his fear of confusion and inferiority. The result is a wife who meets his basic functional needs, but whom he may find uninteresting. The wife is trapped in a double bind. If she acquiesces to what her husband wants of her, she becomes boring to him and a shell of her true self. There is little room for her to express her authentic sensuality or self-actualize. Why pursue beauty? Why pursue wit, insight, creativity, personal sensuality? Is she forced to choose between marriage and selfhood? The individual psyche of the woman is particularly important to her expression of sensuality. To be desirable, she must be separate from her husband. She must have a sense of herself. She must know, at a visceral level, the presence and power of her beauty. Too much familiarity and functionality, undermines her sensual nature. A woman wants to be wanted, longed for, and lusted after. In my counseling of married couples, I have seen this phenomenon at work. What often robs a marriage of erotic longing is a husband's subconscious desire to transform his wife from a woman into a homemaker and from a seductress into a nanny (without the sexy nanny outfit). I say subconscious because most husbands would vehemently protest that, to the contrary, they want their wives to be sultry and sexy. But irrespective of what they say, they end up turning turn their wives into housekeepers. Why would any sane man sexually extinguish his wife? Because buried deep within the male psyche is the fear of not being able to fully possess his wife, not being able to control her natural attraction to other men, and not being able to snuff out a woman's sexual insatiability. A husband's greatest fear is that as a man he will not be able to measure up, sometimes quite literally. This is especially true once men confront the sheer erotic power and multi-climactic nature of the female libido which is so much more potent than a man's. By domesticating her, he robs her of her passion. He may now possess her without much effort because she is diminished. By slowly extinguishing his wife's libido and making sex into a once-a-week encounter lasting seven minutes at a time (the American national average) he gains proprietary rights to her body even as he guarantees that she will never excite him as much as an illicit love. How tragic that the modern American male has little clue as to the consequences of his actions. Does he realize that by failing to compliment his wife he teaches her to think she is not special? Is he aware of the fact that by failing to go shopping with her for beautiful clothing he makes her feel she is not worth the effort? And is there no friend who can tell him that sex without foreplay ensures that her body will go through the motions but will never come alive with real sexual lust? And why doesn't he see all these things himself? Because he cannot look past his own insecurity. He does not realize that he is uncomfortable being in a relationship that will really challenge his masculinity. He looks for challenges at work on and the sports field. But at home he looks for nirvana and bliss. A compliant wife will provide it. A seductress will not. The sexually insatiable woman generates excitement for her husband, but excitement that is always accompanied by the pain and panic of incurable tension. His comfort zone is gone. He must now permanently pursue her, woo her, and compete against paramours even after he is married. Sexual tension may get a husband's engines revving, but it can also make him feel as though the floor is collapsing beneath him. He spends his days trying to impress his boss, does he have to spend the night impressing his wife as well? Give the man some peace! Did he not get married so he could enjoy a tranquil domestic existence? Why should he have to put on a show at home, too? If he sees his wife as a woman who could get another man in a heartbeat, not only does he have to worry about keeping her as his woman, but also that there's a possibility that he is not up to the job. And this he fears more than walking a tight rope over the Grand Canyon. To get out of feeling inept and inadequate, and more importantly, to stay in control, he subconsciously and systematically douses the embers of her sexuality. Being married to a seductress means that he will forever be at war to retain her fidelity. As a man begins to recognize how his wife, like all women, is desirable to, and desirous of, other men, and that attraction increases commensurately with the degree to which she feels unappreciated or ignored, he will be shaken with feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Men are naturally competitive. They don't want to have to compete for a woman they've already won. Sure, they want the erotic thrills that come from seduction and pursuit. But they also want to know, now that they're married, that they have a comfortable, safe haven to come back to. So they want to know that their wives are not attracted to strangers or attractive to strangers, at least not in a way that's in any way unsettling. Also, if they want to pursue their own erotic thrills by finding women outside of the marriage, they don't want to feel that their neglect of their wives will lead their wives to pursue other men in order to satisfy their own erotic needs. Much better, therefore, to subtly and even subconsciously extinguish her sexuality. What ensues is the boring domestication that most married couples suffer. Two people who live in the same house, share a life, share kids, have perfunctory sex, but never make love. Two people who are married but never generate true erotic friction.

The Hidden Issue That Could Affect Your Relationship

Did you previously have a strong relationship, and now feel disconnected from your partner? Research shows a link between depression and being unhappy with your relationship. Depression can take a happy, healthy relationship and create a cloud around your ability to enjoy the person you love. With depression, you may become critical of your partner, or doubt your relationship altogether. You may lose interest in intimacy, feel empty, and feel hopeless about the future. Irritability and restlessness can distort your judgment and drive a wedge between you and your partner. You may notice changes in eating more or less, or trouble sleeping. While dealing with your own sadness, your connection with your partner is neglected. It's a vicious cycle, where all of this causes fighting and builds resentment between the two of you. Often, one or both of you withdraws or shuts down, which ends up making your depression worse. But you can stop this cycle before it damages your relationship. Here are simple, manageable tips to help. 1. Don't Beat Yourself Up You might feel self-critical, guilty, or feel unworthy of your partner. Instead of beating yourself up, remember that even though your feeling depressed, you still have all of those great qualities that your partner loves. Embrace the fact that you are always worthy and deserving love. 2. Don't Stay Stuck in the Past If you have had a bad relationship in the past, don't take it out on your current partner. Bad relationships are how we learn from mistakes. But you may become overly protective or create problems in your current relationship that don't exist. It's essential to learn to separate old wounds from your current relationship. Focus on the here and now, and the relationship between the two of you. 3. It's Not Just Your Partner's Job to Make You Happy, It's Yours! It is great to get love and comfort from your partner when you're feeling low. But it's not doing you any favors to depend solely on them, all the time. The truth is, you have to also think about how you're contributing to your own happiness. Are you taking care of yourself? Working too much? Are you eating well, getting enough sleep, and making time for friends? Taking ownership of your own emotional wellness will build your confidence and will actually help you to enjoy your partner more. 4. Show Your Partner You Care Depression makes you focus more on the negative aspects of your partner. Make sure when he or she comes in the door in the evening, don't launch into everything that went wrong that day. Instead, show them you're happy to see them. Give them a hug and kiss. Ask about their day. Thank them for playing with the kids or for making you laugh. Your partner will appreciate hearing the good things. And as an added bonus, it will make you feel better, too. Practicing gratitude daily on a daily basis may help ease the symptoms of depression. 5. Therapy Helps Either go by yourself, or go as a couple. Remember that it's hard for your partner to know how you feel, especially if they have not experienced depression. A therapist can help you figure out a plan together so that you're working as a team to stop the depression from harming your relationship. And talk to your doctor about medication, as it is very beneficial for many people. Whatever changes you decide to make, make them now! The sooner you can turn things around, the better you both are going to feel -- and the better chance you have of getting through the depression with a healthy, happy relationship intact. For more information on depression and relationships, visit Dr. Kolakowski's website or join her on Facebook. For more by Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, click here. Thank you Doctor Kolakowski, I love your writing and this has been on point.

7 Ways to Keep Work Stress Out of Your Relationship

Now more than ever, it is important that we strive to gain and maintain work-life balance. According to one study, 52 percent of employees say that job demands interfere with family or home responsibilities, while 43 percent say that home and family responsibilities interfere with job performance. These statistics show just how overworked people are, especially when they feel as if their home life is interfering with their work.

As a psychologist, I see it as a stress cycle. The stress at work causes stress at home, and then the stress of neglecting home affects the person's work performance and further increases their stress at work. In this economy, people are working around the clock so it appears that personal things (that they should be able to do) seem to interfere with their job performance.

Right now some people have the responsibilities of 2-3 different roles. Their job day starts earlier and ends later, and everyone has one, if not two cell phones. People are working so much that they don't have the time and energy to maintain work-life balance and healthy relationships.

When things get out of balance and their personal relationship becomes stressed, that stress will seep into their work life. It seems that personal responsibilities are impinging upon work because work has become so demanding that it prevents people from getting home early to spend time with family or from having time during the day to call their significant other.

It is really important to maintain work-life balance, and to make sure that you don't bring the stress of work home and allow it to sabotage the potentially positive time you should be spending at home with your family. You may feel like coming home and venting for hours, but that will probably just make things worse

1)Leave Some Stressful Issues At Work

You can't rehash every annoyance or major problem with your partner every day or all you will do is sound like you're constantly complaining. 

Be selective about which story you want to share and which experiences you will keep to yourself.

2)Start The Evening With Quiet Time

Everyone should have a chance to get in the door and unwind from their own stress at work before being hit with a laundry list of their partner's issues. So don't walk in the door complaining. 

Come in, change clothes, decompress and use that time to calm down and consider what things should be shared and which ones should not.

3)Limit Stress Talk

Limit the amount of time you discuss what's stressing you. You have so little time to spend with your partner after work so don't spend it all complaining about problems. Sometimes we have rolling conversations about stressful things throughout the night. 

You bring it up as soon as you get home, then again during dinner, then after dinner, and then again in bed. Have the conversation once and avoid revisiting it unless absolutely necessary.

4)Balance The Negative With Positive

Spend as much time talking about non-stressful things or being affectionate as you spend stressing out. 

You want to leave your partner with a positive feeling about you, instead of with a knot in their stomach.

5)Listen As Much As You Talk

If you want your partner to listen to you when you're sharing your concerns, then be sure to listen to your partner when they're sharing theirs. 

Things will go better if you make eye contact and nod or comment to show agreement or react to what they're sharing. Listening while staring at the TV or reading your mobile device will make your partner feel ignored.

6)Share With A Friend

Our significant others tend to be our best friends, and so we want to tell them everything that we go through both personally and professionally. 

Sometimes we don't realize when that is becoming overwhelming or just too much info in too little time. 

If you have a good friend, sometimes you can decide to share with that person and not bring your every concern home to your partner.

7)Disconnect Electronically

So many of us are glued to our phones and computers but at some point we need to disconnect for the night and relax, especially when you need time for yourself and to spend time with your spouse and kids. 

You can't keep taking calls and reading emails through dinner, in the bathroom, in the bed and in the middle of a bedtime story. Choose a cutoff time to put your phone to bed and/or limit the amount of time you spend on the phone/computer so that you have time to take care of home. 

I know everyone needs to do what it takes to keep their jobs, but at the same time you won't be successful at work if you're falling apart from stress and your home life is crumbling around you. 

When you get home from work, try to manage your time and communications about work in a balanced way so that you can use your time at home to relax and recharge, not just rehash the day and keep the stress going.

The Basics of Relationship Management

I have read an article by Nick Savoy and to be honest i found this as very accurate so I decided to post this here. hope he does not mind.

The Basics of Relationship Management

By Nick Savoy

Relationship management encompasses everything you do after you sleep with someone, but, like many phases earlier in the model, your success is dependent on the groundwork you'd laid earlier. Just as what you did in comfort influences your chances in seduction, what you did in qualification, comfort, and seduction influence what will be possible in relationship management.

And a lot is possible. Anything from a long-term committed relationship to dating multiple women to friends with benefits; it's all possible if you have the skills and know what to do.

Much of what is regarded today as obvious was once highly controversial before I came along. For example:

• You literally never have to lie to get what you want, even if you want to date more than one woman at a time.
• 99% of all relationships fall into six major categories. Which pattern your relationship falls into determines where you can go with it.
• Relationship management begins before you even sleep with her the first time.

Here's a section from Relationship Management in Magic Bullets to get you up to speed:

You have many relationships in your life. You have a professional relationship with your boss, you have a fraternal relationship with your brother, and you probably have a dating or a "friends with benefits" relationship with at least one woman in your life.

So, when we talk about relationships and relationship management, we are assuming that you and a woman are boyfriend-girlfriend. Relationship management refers to the frame in which you and a woman are interacting.

Relationship management begins well before you sleep with her, but most of the important work comes after. Commonly, men only start thinking about relationship management after sex is over: "I slept with her; what do I do now?" It's a rookie mistake to leave it so long, because a little bit of work to set the frame during comfort goes a long way afterward. But we'll cover this later.

For now, let's start by looking at some of the basic relationship types:

• Traditional: One boy, one girl, no one dates anyone else.

• Traditional Plus: Like traditional, but sometimes you involve other people in your sex life (not your emotional life). Usually this is when both you and her enjoy threesomes with other women.

• Open: Your primary emotional commitment is to each other, but you are both free to date other people. Open relationships vary in intensity: some are much like Traditional Plus relationships while others are far more casual.

• Multiple: You have a strong commitment to each other, but nothing theoretically limits what you can do with others.

• Dating / Undefined: The rules of what you're doing and where you're going are unclear, but there is no explicit commitment. Often early in your relationship and usually the case before you sleep together.

• Friends with Benefits: No significant emotional commitment. Relationship is primarily sexual.

As you can probably see, these relationship types are ranked in decreasing order of commitment. Drilling down, we see that there are pretty clear distinctions between the types, in which you are #1 to each other, the middle two, in which this may be more ambiguous, and the lower two, in which there should be no expectations at all. For simplicity's sake, we will call these three groups High Commitment, Medium Commitment, and Low Commitment.

What you seek is a matter of preference. There is nothing inherently superior about one relationship goal over another. It depends on your desires, her desires, where you are in your life, and all kinds of other factors.

That being said, I'm fully aware when writing this that many of you are going to skip straight to the Multiple Relationships section. That's fine if that's what you truly want. But pause for a second and truly consider things. Don't just want something because it feels socially impressive or some of the top Pickup Artists in the world want it. It's a lot more work than it seems. Many of the top names in the "Seduction Community" have never pulled this off successfully, despite their marketing propaganda.

Whatever your relationship goals, there are some key points to keep in mind:

• The type of relationship you have with a woman can and usually will change over time. In general, it's easiest to move within a given Commitment level (from "Multiple" to "Open" Relationship or from "Dating/Undefined" to "Friends with Benefits" for example). Moving between Commitment levels is much harder. You can sometimes move up, but rarely down. Moving down usually requires a breakup first, and a period of no relationship. After that, you can try to re-establish a relationship, but often all you will be able to get is Friends with Benefits. This happens between ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends more than many people think.

• While you can get away with trying to move to your desired relationship type after you've already had sex with her, this compromises your effectiveness in a couple of ways. For one thing, if she gets the sense that you don't have much of an idea about what it is that you want, this could turn her off and you'll never get to sex in the first place. In addition, you will be far more effective at bringing her to your desired relationship type if you are able to implicitly set the right expectations in advance. It's not like she won't think about it just because you're not giving her anything to go on. She'll think about it anyway, and she'll let her conclusions be driven by her own assumptions and preferences. These will be a lot harder to change later.

• It's a cliche, but communication is key to a relationship. It's not enough to act like you're in a specific kind of relationship with someone; it must be communicated and agreed on by both of you, whether explicitly or implicitly. Again, playing the "ambiguity game" won't help you much. Women want to know what's going on. If you don't make an effort to communicate this somehow, even indirectly, she'll try to interpret (or end up misinterpreting) what you do communicate and you may well end up with differing ideas about where your relationship is going. Do I need to tell you that this is a bad idea?

Armed with these general rules, let's talk about each of the six major relationship types...

Introduction

Good Morning ,

To make a short overview any and all information written by me is my personal opinion , or the options of other people, please read twice before thinking of this may apply to you or not :D.